A Walk to Remember Chapter Three: An Appointment to Remember
Title : A Walk to Remember
Chapter Title : An Appointment to Remember
Genre : SadStuck
Pairings : Future SolKat, Moirail!KanKat
Chapter Rating : PG
Warnings : MAJOR Character Death
Timeline : HumanStuck
Summary : Karkat has been sick for a long, long time. Sollux just didn’t realize anything until it was far too late.
When Karkat next wakes, Sollux is already gone. He feels like shit for only being able to talk to him for such a short time, so Kanaya makes him chocolate chip waffles with turkey bacon to make up for it. It doesn’t do anything more than make him less hungry, but he pretends like he feels better as a thank-you. She, obviously, knows he’s lying. He, obviously, keeps going with it anyway. Eventually, he falls into the flow of “feeling better” and the thought of Sollux leaves his mind.
There’s nothing extraordinary at the doctor’s office. The doctor asks that he be alone when he tells him the diagnosis, so he struggles to pull himself up onto the doctor’s bench. He gets there, though, and the doctor looks approving. Last time, he hadn’t been able to do even that.
The doctor takes his seat across from him and takes a deep breath as he braces his clipboard on his lap. The first words out of his mouth are “I’m sorry….”
Oh.
He doesn’t really remember the car ride home or even asking Kanaya to make soup for dinner. He doesn’t really remember sitting down in front of the fireplace, lighting the fire, taking the honey-infused tea from Kanaya when she comes to sit with him or even the curious silence she exudes.
All he remembers is the nothingness inside of him. He listens to the beat of his heart, hears the aching sound of death creeping closer and closer and closer and closer and closer andcloserandcloserandclosercloserclosercloser. He doesn’t realize he’s trembling until Kanaya reaches out and wraps her hand around his forearm. It’s thin enough that her fingers touch each other and pale enough that she seems almost tan.
“What’s wrong?”
“Nothing,” he lies and drinks his tea. She knows he’s lying. He knows she knows and so on so forth. He doesn’t want Kanaya to know. He doesn’t. He wants Sollux. He wants to be able to curl up into his chest and be held by thick, tight, strong arms. He wants to be loved by someone who isn’t his sister. He wants the one man he has loved for practically his entire life to fucking notice him for once God damn it what does it take to get noticed around here he just wants one day, one hour, he can die happy with a single kiss or a smile or anything
Please
Anything
Anything at all
Even him calling him a fag
Just so long as his feelings are acknowledged
They eat in silence. Kanaya only asks one more time before she relents for the night, but he knows she’ll be at him in the morning, when he can hopefully put up with it. After dinner, he goes to his computer.
carcinoGeneticist [CG] began pestering twinArmageddons [TA]
CG: hey
TA: hey.
TA: you ok?
TA: youre not all yelliing and 2hiit.
CG: …yea
TA: ii2 your cap2lock broken?
CG: …no
TA: ok, ii gue22. anyway gue22 what aa saiid twoday
CG: … i dont know
CG: what
TA: iim a feelingle22 diick wiith only one thiing on hii2 miind and iit2 *not* other people2 feeliings
CG: oh really
TA: YE2 really!
TA: iit2 liike 2he doesnt even fuckiing understand how hurt ii am because of her 2o 2he ha2 to rub iit iin my face
CG: I WONDER WHERE SHE GOT THAT FROM
TA: huh?
TA: what2 up kk? why diid you 2uddenly 2tart cap2lockiing me again?
CG: NO FUCKING REASON
CG: THATS FUCKING WHY
CG: GOD DAMN WHY THE FUCK DID I THINK THIS IS A GOOD IDEA
CG: IM SUCH A FUCKING IDIOT
TA: what2 wrong kk?
TA: 2eriiou2ly, tell me. iim all ear2
CG: BULLSHIT DUDE
CG: WHATEVER ITS NOT FUCKING IMPORTANT
TA: but why?
CG: WE SHOULDNT TALK FOR A WHILE
CG: LIKE
CG: FOUR FUCKING MONTHS WHILE
TA: why 2o long?
CG: FUCK OFF
carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased pestering twinArmageddons [TA]
carcinoGeneticist [CG] has banned twinArmageddons [TA]
He flops down onto his bed and buries himself into it, hiding from everything. Why? Why did he have to fucking bring her in?
He sobs into the pillow he’s trying to suffocate the world with. His exhaustion doesn’t let him cry for more than a few minutes, and when he’s done he lies as an empty bag of bones and miniscule killers.
The door opens and in slips Kanaya. She turns off the light, shuts the laptop on top of the desk and lies down behind him, wrapping her arm around his waist. He doesn’t even have the energy to flinch when his spine spazzes in pain. She presses her nose, ever so gently, into his neck until he sighs. “Sollux messaged me,” she whispers. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing.”
“What did the doctor say?”
“Nothing.”
“Karkat, please, I just want to know.”
“It’s not important.”
“Yes it is.”
“No it’s not.”
“But, Karkat….”
“But nothing. I just want to sleep.”
“Ok.”
He doesn’t have to be given permission twice.
When he next wakes, Kanaya has her hand on his arm and is sitting him up. She puts a lap-table up over him and sets a bowl on that with a bunch of saltine crackers. He can’t really taste the soup through his cotton mouth and he downs half of the cup of water on first touch of his lips.
“Are you feeling better?” She asks.
“Than?”
“Yesterday.”
“What happened yesterday? I just got home from the doctor, what’s the big deal?”–
She sighs and shakes her head. “It’s been three days since then, Karkat. You’ve been feverish, in and out of your mind, mumbling weird things, begging me to have Sollux come over one moment and the next not let him know you’re in the throes again. You’ve been in and out of the bathroom. You must have lost three kay-gees.”
“Huh?”
“Your fever broke last night. This is the most you’ve been able to keep down in twice as long. Finish your soup, then strip to your boxers, ok?”
He nods and wordlessly does so. She tosses the pillows onto the floor as she waits and carefully tugs the blanket off of him. He moves the lap-tray off of him and strips down completely. Kanaya forces him to lay on the cold side of the bed and he groans lightly as it touches his skin. She dips a rag into a bowl of cold water he hadn’t seen before and almost sponge-bathes him. Karkat shivers violently, but embraces the temperature difference.
“Doc said this might happen,” Karkat mutters, “as I get used to my new meds.”
“What are your new meds?”
“Kanaya, I’m dying.”
“So is everyone else.”
“No,” he replies, “no not like everyone else.”
“How so?”
“Not everyone else has stage four leukemia.”
Kanaya’s hands squeeze on his skin as she looks up at him. He begs her not to cry, so she doesn’t, just continues cooling him off. She finishes and lies beside him. He’s off to sleep relatively soon, but he feels himself roll over, wrap his arms around her and whispers her name. He hears her sob quietly and feels her fingers as they tighten on his waist and she sobs into his chest.
He hugs her tight. She complies.
